Why do people get divorced?
In June, Kelly Clarkson fans were stunned to learn that the music, film, and television star had filed for divorce from Brandon Blackstock, her husband of seven years. Just days before, The Voice coach had appeared with her children remotely from the couple’s Montana ranch. On the surface, the pair seemed to have the perfect marriage. However, some speculate that quarantine conditions exacerbated problems between them. Those outside of the relationship continue to question what could have gone wrong between Clarkson and her spouse. The reasons why a marriage doesn’t work can be complicated and unique to the situation. However, some factors may contribute to divorce.
Unlike Kelly Clarkson, most people won't have the media speculating about the reasons for their divorce. However, she and her husband's situation is not that different from many other couples. The two married and had children fairly quickly. Blackstock also had older kids from a previous relationship. They soon had to balance a busy life with their four and six-year-old kids and Blackstock's two children. In the meantime, Clarkson was involved in multiple projects, and Blackstock was also working. Like many others in this situation, the pressures of career and parenting combined with not having enough time to devote to the marriage may have contributed to the divorce.
When taken together, events like having to move to another city, changing jobs, stressful working conditions, having a child, losing a loved one, or not spending enough quality time together can change a marriage. These life challenges can stress marriages, and in some cases, lead to divorce.
Not every divorce happens quickly. Some marriages last for decades before one or both people recognize or admit that there is a problem. This doesn't necessarily mean that the two spent twenty plus years in an unhappy relationship. When the couple married, they may have been in different places emotionally and been more aligned in their goals and life outlook. After raising children or retiring, the two may have entered new stages of their lives, only to discover that they have grown apart and away from one another.
In other situations, couples may not have to go years before they realize that they are no longer compatible. The two may have started out being in sync on how they socialized, spent and saved money, and planned to spend their lives, only to be in different places a few years later. These and other differences may be insurmountable and lead to divorce in some cases.
Lack of Intimacy
Sometimes divorces happen when one person realizes that he or she may have married their partner because they met specific criteria, and not because they felt a genuine connection to them. When a marriage is based on a partner "checking the boxes" but not love, the two are not likely to achieve success. A couple that is experiencing problems with physical intimacy may also find that the marriage suffers. However, when there is a lack of physical connection, there may be issues with trust and emotional intimacy at the same time. When a couple can't connect on a physical or emotional level, it can be difficult to get past.
For many of us, there are non-negotiables in personal relationships. Having a mutual understanding of acceptable behavior is essential to honoring the relationship. When one person violates this, the marriage may be irreparably damaged. For some people, infidelity is a complete non-negotiable. Violence and addiction may also be other issues that a partner is unwilling to tolerate.
When a marriage is failing, a couple can be engaged in constant conflict over everything from mundane household tasks to more significant financial problems. It's exhausting to live this way. The issues may be about things that truly matter, such as inequity in the relationship and parenting. However, when the battle is never-ending, there is not going to be a resolution. Over time, the couple's fighting will create an increasingly toxic environment until there is nothing left of the marriage to salvage.
A couple’s divorce usually involves multiple factors. Attorney Karyn Youso of First Look Family Law has extensive experience helping clients evaluate their circumstances and understand their choices. Come in and let's take a "first look" at your situation so you can figure out your next steps. Please call us today to set up a time to meet.