Loving What is: Embracing Your Experience and Rebuilding After Divorce
When your marriage ends, your identity as a husband or wife, the composition of your family, and how you envisioned your future can feel like they were suddenly yanked right out of your arms. After your divorce is over, you may be left with painful feelings of loss, uncertain how to move forward with your life. While it may sound unlikely, it’s possible to embrace your experience and rebuild your life after divorce.
There is no Changing the Past
When everything is done, it can be a natural reaction to devote a considerable amount of time to think about what went wrong and who was to blame. Spending too much time dwelling on the injustices of the past can also be a way to avoid facing your feelings about the marriage being over. It is important to take the time to feel whatever feelings you have and process them. While many people want to just "get over" their divorce, you can't fully move on without working through your experience and emotions. By acknowledging how you feel, you are taking a step towards releasing a past you cannot change.
It’s Part of Your Experience
There is no changing the fact that divorce is painful and can leave emotional scars. However, you have the power to decide whether or not your pain will define you. Like it or not, your divorce is part of your journey. You may never be able to fully understand why it had to happen, but you can choose to learn as much as possible about yourself from having gone through this experience. When you accept what has occurred as being part of what has made you into who you are today, you can open yourself to becoming the person you want to be going forward.
It May Already be Improving
No matter how bad things are right now, it’s vital to remember that you will not always feel this way. As you heal, you will gain perspective, learn, and recover. You may also be able to find positives about your situation right away. For instance, you will have your own space and can devote your energy to yourself, rather than trying to please your former partner. If you had been walking on eggshells during your marriage, you can now relax and enjoy the fact that you no longer have to live with your ex and be subjected to irrational emotional outbursts.
You are now Free to Create Your Life
Working through your feelings about the past can help you release old resentments which no longer serve you. Clearing these and other negative feelings away can leave a blank canvas for you to fill with anything you like. You are now in a position to be yourself and develop goals for your future. While you may not have wanted or expected to end up here, this can still be an opportunity for you to focus on yourself and rebuild your life in a way which supports your happiness and well-being. Remember, life is short, but it is also long.
Divorce is never easy, but you can choose to work through your pain and move towards a better tomorrow. Attorney and mediator Karyn Youso has experience helping clients with all aspects of divorce. Contact us today to schedule a consultation, and let us take a “first look” at your circumstances.